Is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” really a date-rape anthem?

A couple days ago, I stumbled upon a disturbing list of “Top Five Date Rape Anthems,” compiled by the Washington City Paper.

Most of the songs listed deserved the title–and maybe a little legal action. Even Jamie Foxx’s “Blame It On The Alcohol” is pretty sketch; it’s basically about a man who wants to sleep with a woman who will only consent after she’s had enough goose, ‘tron, blue tap, etc.

Amongst the list of painfully obvious date rape allusions was one that kind of broke my heart: Frank Loesser’s “Baby, It’s Cold Outisde.”

I’ve heard this argument before from friends of mine. “Just listen to these lyrics,” they say. “So creepy.”

And I’m not saying they’re wrong:

“I really can’t stay—Baby it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go away—Baby it’s cold outside
This evening has been—Been hoping that you’d drop in
So very nice—I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice
My mother will start to worry—Beautiful, what’s your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor—Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I’d better scurry—Beautiful, please don’t hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more—Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think—Baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink—No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how —Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell—I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir—Mind if I move a little closer
At least I’m gonna say that I tried—What’s the sense in hurting my pride
I really can’t stay—Baby don’t hold out
Ahh, but it’s cold outside”

But I don’t want to say they’re right, either.

I’m not going to argue with the lyrics–alcohol is considered a date rape drug, and the dude’s clearly pouring his girl’s drink with a heavy hand. All the evidence supports this song’s date-rape anthem title, and I understand that date rape is a terrible pratice.

But this is a Christmas song. One we’ve heard piped through the stereos of jam-packed malls, and sung with our friends and families during long car rides. The nostalgic value of this song, along with all Christmas songs, is enormous, and it’s unfair to imply that those who sing along are endorsing sexual violence.

On She & Him’s Christmas album, Zooey Deschanel sings the man’s part of this song, and M. Ward sings the woman’s. And yet it’s still exceptionally creepy, proving that these lyrics make for one hopelessly offensive song.

But if you send me down that road, I can run a whole lot of Christmas cheer into the ground.

For example, in Justin Bieber and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” video, Justin (a minor!) lusts after 40 year-old Mariah, who plays the part of a mannequin dressed in a skimpy Santa costume. Come on, that’s creepy.

Or, in light of Japan’s earthquake in March, what the hell is going on in this Coca-Cola commercial ?

We can keep tallies on human faux pas during the season (of which there is no shortage), or we can stop searching for problematic lyrics and video concepts, and just be merry.

For the sake of a happy holiday, I’m going to chill on the gender preaching. This is a season during which a percentage of the population believes in fat men shimmying down chimneys and reindeer noses that glow like lightbulbs–can’t we momentarily believe that this song is a harmless anthem about a lopsided love affair?

Please?

(Those interested in preventing sexual violence against women should check out the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and consider giving to the cause this holiday season.)